Last night a friend and I were talking about some challenges in his life and I remembered a line from a poem by Robert Bly:
The albatross that lands on the mast began flying a thousand years ago.

A long time ago, back when we were pure positive energy, we didn’t doubt for a minute that manifesting would be pretty cool. But when we arrive in our physical forms and challenges pop up, we forget that every experience is an opportunity to discover what we really want and to become our best selves.

We don’t need circumstances to be pleasing, or for others to make things easier for us, or to give us praise, or even acknowledgement. It’s wonderful to get those things – but not at all necessary.

What’s necessary is to know that we’ve got everything we need inside us for a great journey. By the fact of our existence we are worthy of love and all good things. We already are love and all good things.

It’s funny, I think my albatross metaphor distracted him, because, as it turns out, he is quite a bird lover and has a bit of an issue with the albatross.

“Wait a second,” he said, “The albatross? That’s like a dodo bird. And it symbolizes adversity.” Moments after we hung up I received an email from him, citing a Wikipedia entry:

An albatross is a central emblem in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. It is from the poem that the usage of albatross as a metaphor is derived; someone with a burden or obstacle is said to have ‘an albatross around their neck’, the punishment given in the poem to the mariner who killed the albatross.

So he didn’t like the metaphor, but after learning more about the albatross, I think it is very apt.

First of all, going back to the poem, the sailor was punished because he had destroyed something that was considered sacred. When we forget or are unable to see that we have come to this planet to accomplish something special, it is a similar waste.

We are here to do good work and do it well. And when we focus on what is not going well, it’s like we are hanging the albatross around our necks.

On the other hand, live albatrosses are symbols of effortlessness. And here again, I think the metaphor is apt.

Also from Wikipedia:

Albatrosses are amongst the largest of flying birds, and the great albatrosses (genus Diomedea) have the largest wingspans of any extant birds…They are highly efficient in the air, using dynamic soaring and slope soaring to cover great distances with little exertion.

Don’t you want “covering great distances with little exertion” to be what your life is all about?

About the Author

Stacey Curnow is a nurse-midwife and a mentor who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. You can find out more about Stacey here.

I hope your Thanksgiving was full of gratitude, no matter how it was spent.

Ours began like any other. My husband and I were in the kitchen, cooking up something great. This year’s sweet goody – Barefoot Contessa’s recipe for Pumpkin Roulade. (note on the roulade: we put less cream and make a thinner, but longer and larger roll. divine.). If you have not made it, get it here. It is out of this world (and easy to make!) and made with fresh, organic ingredients (yea for Slow Food!).

Then we got the call.

Our youngest son (2 years old) was found outside, crying, his left arm hanging limply at his side. He had been playing with his older brother (3 years old). We initially thought nothing of the urgent call and the “he’s not using his arm” concern my mother voiced (after all, we do have 2 rough and tumble boys. we are used to bumps and scrapes). But as soon as I saw him I knew he really was hurt.

After a trip to the orthopedist and one long arm cast (up to his armpit) later, he is feeling much better. However, “mother guilt” does not go away as quickly as a toddler heals (by the next day we had to stop him from jumping off the couch). I wish I could have been there to prevent him from getting hurt. I naturally, like any mother, want to keep him from pain and suffering.

However, I am still sending up “Thanks.” A lesson, I think, we can all learn and “re”learn.
On Thanksgiving day, we were reminded to give thanks, whether on mountains or in valleys.

Here is what I learned on Thanksgiving day:

• I am thankful our little guy was hurt no worse. Wisdom in mothering brings the realization that our children will have to undergo adversity to realize their own strength. The worse thing I could do as a mother would be to try and shelter my sons from all conflict and suffering. As mothers, the most we can do is be attentive and stay close by to pick them up when they fall down. ~ “Adversity introduces a man to himself.”
• I am thankful we had access to good health care. Plenty of Americans, some of my own family included, are uninsured or have little insurance. At our family gathering we had an orthopedic nurse and myself, both trained in emergency care. Now we’ll be following up with a pediatric orthopedist this week, at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country.
• I am thankful our family was able to all gather together. We had plenty of healthy food, a warm place to enjoy it, and lots of love to go ’round. There are many who have so much less than we do in America. This season, give to others who have less than you. One day in a soup kitchen, a donation to an organization like Heifer International, or making cookies or bread for a neighbor who is shut in, can make a world of difference.

I hope that on your Thanksgiving day, you had plenty of Thanks to offer up. In America, we enjoy many blessings. Gratitude should be the theme of our Holiday this Season.

*photo is our son, 1 day after the injury, enjoying his first Christmas tree “hunt.”

The days pass slowly, the years fly quickly by. If I had a nickel for every time someone has said this to me, I might be out of debt by now.

I actually do not dread hearing those words, and I appreciate hearing them each time a well meaning older parent says them.

For those of you who may not have heard those words, what I am talking about is this: our children grow up fast. Shorter still, the time that passes from the moment they are born until they enter kindergarten seems to pass by faster still.

Last week I left for another teaching weekend, this time in Lexington, KY, as I wrote earlier in my blog this week. My older son is having an increasingly harder time when “mommy leaves” for work weeks or weekends. He is aware that I will be gone for several days at at time. While I was gone, my husband said at bedtime he prayed that “mommy’s plane doesn’t crash.” The next morning when he awoke, my husband asked him what he dreamed about. In his 3.5 year old voice he replied, “I dweamed mommy came home and gave me wots of hugs and kisses.”

Children are aware. Our families are aware. Our society visibly suffers when the family suffers. Our work schedules and agendas are increasingly filled, even with good things like music lessons, community projects, and charity fundraisers. However, despite all the “good stuff” we fill our schedules with, we emerge more tired and glassy eyed than ever…and with less time to actually spend nurturing our family.

Last night I had choral practice for our tri-county Choral Society. It was only a two hour practice but when I told my older son goodbye he got very reserved and his chin began to tremble.

He had just spent 9 hours in daycare and I had only a quick dinner before I left again (after not seeing him for 4 days while I worked all weekend…moms sound familiar?). He was worried I was leaving him for an extended time again. I promised him I was not, and then I gave him hugs and kisses and left for practice. When I returned at 9:30 (way past his bedtime), he was waiting for me at the door, dressed in his Thomas the Train pajamas, sitting in his great grandfather’s handmade wicker chair, writing his name on a sheet of paper. When I opened the door he said, “Mommy, I missed you.”

I am acutely aware that my children will be grown and gone before I can comprehend it. Each day my husband and I mourn and celebrate their growth, because we fully appreciate the brevity of life.

Here are a few things I have been practicing this year, to help set protective boundaries around our family time in order to truly value and love them:

EXERCISING YOUR FREEDOM TO LIVE

1. Minimizing daycare: my husband and I alternate our work schedules so our children only have to spend 1 day in daycare a week. This creates the majority of our fatigue, because we must work at odd hours and sometimes on weekends and nights. However, it is the only method, while our children are young, which we have found to maximize our time together as a family. This may not work for all families. Sometimes daycare is unavoidable but I would recommend shopping for a daycare that is flexible and truly accommodates to the needs of each child. I have friends and colleagues who have “second mothers” in their daycare providers and are grateful for the “extended family” bond that their daycare provides. Either way, realize we DO have the freedom to choose. Society may not reward us for putting our children and families first, but the future of our planet rests on it.
2. Families that play together, stay together: This may sound obvious as well as easy, but it is not the case. We realize that unless we set time aside for family oriented activities, we will continue to be consumed with the demands of daily life. For example, yard work, home repairs and renovations, as well as daily errand running and household management alone could occupy all your time. Oftentimes, taking care of business leaves your kids to constantly self entertain while mommy answers work email or daddy mows the lawn or vice-versa. Try having a “family meeting” to poll your kids about what they want to do as a family. Then, make it happen within your budget. Get creative if you can’t afford “Disneyworld”. Go on a family camping trip, hike, local theme park, or take a roadtrip to visit family.
3. Set boundaries: We are all aware that corporate life slowly eats into family life, so many of us have set boundaries in that arena. We come home on time, we work from home offices, we compress our work schedules, we actually use all of our vacation/leave, and we give up job promotions for family promotions i.e. to have a quality family life. However, for those of us who have reigned in our work boundaries, are we doing anything about the “good activities” in our life – children’s playgroups, sports and art activities, local volunteerism, church or temple work, etc. Sometimes we even have to pare down the “good” activities if they are a detriment to our family life. My husband and I recently did that. It was difficult, and we lost income, career exposure, and didn’t get to pursue some extracurricular outlets we like to – but the career & personal time hit was worth it. We all are less stressed, more organized, and very grateful for the time together.
4. Count Your Blessings: When I think back to the time before I met my husband and before we had children, I am reminded how blessed we are today. My husband and I waited a LONG time to have children. Truly, we waited our whole lives for the family we have today. So I frequently count my blessings by recalling where I came from and how far I have come.
5. Choose your charity and community work carefully: A mentor once suggested that although all activities in your life may be good, they may not all be necessarily good for you at one time! At all seasons in our life, we have a host of opportunities to choose from. Young families struggle to balance work and family, families with older children struggle to balance their children’s extracurricular activities with their own, empty nesters and retirees or grandparents also have their own set of struggles. However, at all seasons, there are activities that are BEST for you, and ones that although are good – are not your BEST option. For example, I limit which charity organizations I become involved in so I can focus on being effective. For others, this is making your child choose no more than 2 extracurricular activities per semester. To me, there would be nothing worse than being a jack of all trades and master of none. I don’t want to be a person that starts one project and then leave it in the wake of starting another. Our whole family practices this as a kind of mantra, if you will. We keep all our activities on a consolidated calendar so we can prevent it from “overflowing.”

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “everyday do one thing that you fear.”

Well said sister. So, I am taking to the roof to conquer my fears.

In an act of solidarity with other women who follow Eleanor’s advice, on most days at least, I decided that my fear of heights (despite my high school days as a cheerleader teetering at the top of pyramids & being tossed into the air like an apple), had to come down.

So in order to diminish my literal fear of swinging in trees, and to lower my anxiety which would proverbially keep me “out of the tree tops”, I decided I would paint (just a section, mind you) of my home’s third story.

When the contractor finished construction on the house, he kindly left the scaffolding up so we could save a dollar and paint the house ourselves. My husband and I literally took to the skies, where the smallest breeze had me grasping for anything to hold on to and feeling as if I could be lifted off the scaffolding.

However scared I was, I stayed and painted. And, I survived and came down to tell the story.

After several trips up and down the ladder, and scooting, sliding, and somewhat walking on the scaffolding in order to finish painting, I learned something.

My fear DID INCREASE when I climbed up the ladder. But repeating this action did DECREASE my overall fear. In the end analysis, after two days of “roof swinging”, I learned Mrs. Roosevelt was indeed right. Doing something you fear everyday does decrease your overall chances of being fearful in the future.

Ah – the sweet smell of courage. If we can all stand atop that roof confidently (& breathing!), then we can all better handle Future Fear.

So, the next time Fear rears its ugly head, I’ll be better equipped. Will you?

*Photos: Evidence of Overcoming my Fear of heights(and heights + wind gusts), at least for a weekend.